Fart-a-Thon

...you know where this is going......so prepare yourself.

Farting comes naturally to us all, call it flatulence, breaking wind, letting one go, passing gas, or any other work in the English vocabulary that catches your fancy.

The fact of the matter is, most of us have done it and will continue to do so, some willingly and by choice, other just because the pressure can no longer be contained within.

So it should not surprise you when i say, FOR GOD SAKES GO TO THE TOILET, DUMP THE MOTHER LOAD BEFORE YOU WALK OUT THE DOOR.

I've been a victim of soo many bloat and run incidents that its reached a level of National Security.

Whether it be the Cinema incident where the guy in front just continued to churn out loads of Gas, his chimney put the local dump to shame.

Or at the airport when i was about to walk the stairs up to the plane, behind a woman who had her rump in my face, and JUST had to let one go....It was silent but DEADLY...I KID U NOT.

Another time i was talking to a colleague who was discussing something or the other and, FART, right in the middle of his conversation let an ear popper out, yet he continued as though nothing had happened....WOW..

Once, some friends and i were driving around in my car when one of them let go a radio-active waste of a fart, No Sound, Butttttt ooohh mummaaaa, the smell was unbearable....I slammed down the break, put the car in park and got the hell out of the car, pursued by the other two innocent guys. While the FARTIST just sat there laughing his head out, 5 minutes later we all got back into the car, drove on, and all the way home, i had my head stuck out the car window.

Alas, one must also consider the importance of a well placed release, MY friends can vouch for this, but i'm told that on a cold winters day, when you've gotten into bed and are desperately trying to get warm, by immersing yourself completely under the blanket and letting a couple of stinkers loose, you can either knock yourself out or warm up the surrounding air, but you just need to learn to live with the SMELL.

I'm not so innocent myself, my biggest weakness is when i laugh out loud uncontrollably, i lose control over my body and occasionally let one RIP. To date, i can recollect this shameful accident has happened to me no less than 4 times, but with sheer dump luck my laughs have always been able to muffle out the FART noise, so I was safe as no one was the smarter; until now since i'm exposing myself to the whole world.

NOW, what would be the point of writing this; well, just that the only gas one should let go should be in the sanctity of their own home NOT in other people's faces or cars or elevators......AND FOR GOD SAKES GO TO THE TOILET BEFORE LEAVING HOME.