Friday, December 21, 2007

A Happy Traveller, i am, i am NOT!

I consider myself a very unlucky traveler when it comes to flying on airplanes…My bad luck mostly relates to the passenger(s) sitting next to me; it’s never a preferred good looking (gentle) opposite sex, but rather a guy, dressed in shabby clothes, who smells, absolutely awful.

Flashback to my weekly flights to and from Qatar, in 2004/5, there were many a times when I was unfortunate enough to be seated next to guys that, well basically stunk, and I’m not talking only about their clothes, with gunk protruding out of the corner of their eyes, WHO JUST HAVE TO TURN AROUND AND TRY TO SPEAK TO ME, showering me in the most awful smell to come out of the human body, and that from one’s mouth, not the anus.

Today, my fate has not changed much, I still get stuck with the dudes, where as my (Lucky Bastards) friends, frequently get to sit with normal people or good looking women, or just women for that matter.
I know it sounds like I’m desperate to sit next to a lady, but it’s not that, most of the time women smelly much better than men, that is the only reason, oh yah, and a lot of them just don’t want to talk to you throughout the flight, the PERFECT recipe…

A month ago, it got so bad that the plane I was on smelt worse than a barn / stable. The majority of the people were laborers (I don’t mean any disrespect, but apparently non of them had heard of the importance of Personal hygiene), and to make matters worse, the lot of them were seated all around me; but this time I was not alone, another poor soul was seated close by, apparently he was new to this, not a seasoned veteran like I, so he has a handkerchief stuck to his nose, good use that does. I again survived that ordeal, but with some scars to show….

Two weeks later, on another flight, I was almost out of the woods, when at the very last minute, the BITCH of a stewardess directed two awfully smelling guys towards my direction, and unluckily for me I was seated in the middle; with no option to turn either side, my only salvation was to TURN ON THE AIR CONDITIONER, FULL BLAST, ONTO MY FACE, AND KNOCK MYSELF OUT COLD, it worked, I was asleep until the plane landed, and then the final couple of minutes, until the doors were opened, suddenly did not seem all that bad…Yet another scar, my eyes still twitch when I get close to a plane.

Last week, my @ss of a friend, F*d things for me; I was sitting on the isle(the spelling might be wrong) seat, with a smelly guy sitting to my left, PICTURED (1) below, when all a sudden, the stewardess asked him to get up and showed him to another seat, I was ecstatic, my smile almost tore my head in two, but my dumb ass friend, knowingly reminded the stewardess that there was an empty seat next to me, the BITCH brought another gut with the same odor level and sat him next to me. PICTURED (2) below, the smile melted from my face, and the moment we got off the plane I kicked my friend in the @ss….

(Ignore my crooked BIG nose; i tell myself that it’s from all the smacks I’ve gotten playing basketball with my friends, all of them Bastards.)

Mind U, all this has happened on Gulf Air flights.

During my tenure in Oman, I have used Qatar airways only once, and that has been the best flight ever as the plane was huge, almost completely empty, yet I got to sit next to a woman & the people on the plane did not smell bad; the only drawback now is that the take off is after midnight and I don’t reach Bahrain until 3am.

I am about to fly to Oman tomorrow, GULF AIR’s early morning flight, need I say more…..